Romance does not have to fizzle out in long-term relationships and progress into a companionship/friendship-type love, a new study has found. Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships.

"Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love," said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, then at Stony Brook University (currently at University of California, Santa Barbara). "It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones."

These findings appear in the March issue of Review of General Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association.

Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, PhD, reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term relationships to find out whether romantic love is associated with more satisfaction. To determine this, they classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like love and categorized them as long- or short-term.

The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than four years. They also looked at 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples.

The review found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.

Couples who reported more satisfaction in their relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem.

Feeling that a partner is "there for you" makes for a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic love. On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love," she said.

This discovery may change people's expectations of what they want in long-term relationships. According to the authors, companionship love, which is what many couples see as the natural progression of a successful relationship, may be an unnecessary compromise. "Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings," Acevedo said. "And couples who've been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion."

一項(xiàng)新研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，長(zhǎng)期愛(ài)情關(guān)系并不一定導(dǎo)致浪漫元素的減少和向伙伴或朋友式愛(ài)情的轉(zhuǎn)變。浪漫愛(ài)情可以持續(xù)一生，并且通往更幸福、更健康的關(guān)系。

“很多人以為浪漫之愛(ài)和激情之愛(ài)是一回事，但實(shí)際上并非如此。浪漫之愛(ài)在強(qiáng)度、承諾和性吸引方面與激情之愛(ài)相同，但沒(méi)有后者的強(qiáng)迫性成分。激情的或者強(qiáng)迫性的愛(ài)情包含了不確定和焦慮的感覺(jué)。這種愛(ài)情驅(qū)動(dòng)的是短期關(guān)系而不是長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系。”主持研究的Bianca P. Acevedo說(shuō)。她當(dāng)時(shí)是石溪大學(xué)的博士生，現(xiàn)任職于加州大學(xué)圣芭芭拉分校。

這些研究結(jié)果刊登在美國(guó)心理學(xué)會(huì)出版的《普通心理學(xué)評(píng)論》三月號(hào)上。

Acevedo和研究合作者Arthur Aron博士回顧了以往的25項(xiàng)研究（它們的研究對(duì)象總共包括6070個(gè)處于短期或長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系中的人），以檢驗(yàn)浪漫愛(ài)情是否與更高的滿意度相聯(lián)系。為了證實(shí)這一點(diǎn)，他們把每項(xiàng)研究中的愛(ài)情關(guān)系歸類為浪漫的、激情的（浪漫加上強(qiáng)迫成分）和友誼式的，再分為長(zhǎng)期和短期關(guān)系兩類。

研究者查看了17個(gè)對(duì)于短期關(guān)系的研究，其對(duì)象包括18-23歲的單身、戀愛(ài)中或已婚的大學(xué)生，他們愛(ài)情關(guān)系的平均持續(xù)時(shí)間在四年以下。還有10個(gè)對(duì)于長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系的研究，其對(duì)象包括結(jié)婚10年或更久的中年夫婦。其中兩個(gè)研究同時(shí)包括了短期和長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系，這兩組樣本是區(qū)分開來(lái)的。

通過(guò)對(duì)以往研究的總結(jié)，研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)不論在短期關(guān)系還是長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系中，那些報(bào)告出更多浪漫成分的人都對(duì)自己的愛(ài)情關(guān)系更滿意。在短期和長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系中，伙伴式的愛(ài)情和滿意度都只有中等程度的相關(guān)。而那些報(bào)告出較多激情成分的人在短期關(guān)系中比在長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系中滿意度更高。

對(duì)愛(ài)情關(guān)系滿意度較高的夫婦或戀人同時(shí)也報(bào)告出較強(qiáng)的幸福感和較高的自尊。

Acevedo說(shuō)，感覺(jué)伴侶“與你同在”有助于建立良好的愛(ài)情關(guān)系，并促進(jìn)浪漫愛(ài)情的感覺(jué)。另一方面，“不安全感通常伴隨著較低的滿意度，有時(shí)還會(huì)導(dǎo)致愛(ài)情中的沖突。強(qiáng)迫式的愛(ài)情中就有這種情況。”

這個(gè)發(fā)現(xiàn)或許會(huì)改變?nèi)藗儗?duì)長(zhǎng)期關(guān)系的一般預(yù)期。研究者稱，雖然伙伴式的愛(ài)情在很多夫婦看來(lái)是成功愛(ài)情關(guān)系的自然發(fā)展階段，但它實(shí)際上可能是一種不必要的妥協(xié)。Acevedo說(shuō)：“夫妻應(yīng)該努力經(jīng)營(yíng)愛(ài)情，讓它變得更完美。那些結(jié)婚多年、希望找回浪漫感覺(jué)的夫婦，應(yīng)該認(rèn)識(shí)到這是完全可以實(shí)現(xiàn)的目標(biāo)，只是和生活中絕大多數(shù)好東西一樣，它需要投入精力才能達(dá)成。”