Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

    - Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

    - Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.

    - Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

    - For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

    - Confront and master the inevitable crises of life

    - Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

    - Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

    - Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

    - Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

    Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.

    關(guān)于"是什么在經(jīng)營婚姻"的研究表明，那些擁有幸福婚姻的人們往往已經(jīng)完成了這些心理"任務".

    --在感情上與你成長的家庭分開；不要到產(chǎn)生隔閡的地步，但要足以使你的身份獨立于你的父母和兄弟姐妹。

    --在相互的親昵和一致的基礎(chǔ)上建立歸屬感，但同時也要設(shè)定一些界限來保障每一個成員的自主權(quán)。

    --建立一個豐富而又愉快的性關(guān)系，并保護其免受繁雜工作和家庭義務的干擾。

    --對于有孩子的夫妻，坦然地接受"父母"這樣的嚴峻角色，婚姻生活也會因小寶貝的出現(xiàn)受到影響。作為夫妻雙方，要學會繼續(xù)保護自己和配偶的隱私。

    --面對和掌控生活中不可避免的危機。

    --在面對逆境時保持婚姻觀系的穩(wěn)定。婚姻應當是一個安全的港灣，在這里夫妻之間可以表達他們的不同觀點，忿怒和沖突。

    --通過幽默和笑聲來正確地看待事情，避免厭倦和孤立。

    --扶持和安慰對方，滿足各自雙方依戀的需求，并提供持續(xù)性的鼓勵和支持。

    --隨著時間的流逝，即使面對理性的現(xiàn)實，也要保持年輕時候一顆浪漫的心和墜入愛河時美好的理想。